Category: <span>Positive Emotion</span>

Everyone can recall an embarrassing, depressing, or anxiety filled moment. We commonly label these as “negative” emotions. The truth is, all emotion is rooted in an attempt to help us in some way.

We can see that emotion just happens. It is not meant to be negative or positive. However, the emotions commonly thought of as negative can get in the way of our life’s endeavors and general satisfaction. In their extreme form, too much negative emotion leads to issues related to personality, mood, thoughts, and behavior.

For most of us, we would like the ability to integrate more “positive” emotions, but it’s easier said than done. There are ample opportunities for us to feel positive, but we tend to give these less attention, or unconsciously block their presence.

First, I present the four ways our mind/body steer us towards the negative, and away from the sweeter moments of life. I will then follow up with a way to increase our attention and experience of the positive emotions to develop a stronger positivity bias. 

1. Negativity Bias

“Your brain preferentially scans for, registers, stores, recalls, and reacts to unpleasant experiences…it’s like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.” -Rick Hanson

Imagine you’re a rabbit living deep in the forest. The world is a dangerous place, filled with numerous ways to die. One day, you’re hopping among the trees to discover a lush grassy area to feed. After a few blissful minutes, the corner of your eye spots a lurking tiger plotting its next meal. You run as fast as a rabbit can run back to your burrow to safety – whew. To ensure your continued survival, your rabbit brain hard wires the location of that luxurious grass patch as the location that death awaits. Its less interested in the patch of grass – it’s your long-term survival that’s more important.

The Negativity Bias is something we all inherently do – it’s the tendency for our brain to put more attention to the negative experiences of life. This is great for the little rabbit, and most of the time is  valuable resource for humans. Our ancestors needed to make sure they remembered the poisonous plant, that their brother tends to steal their food, and when it rains it could put out the fire. Today, these look more like an unsuccessful meeting with your boss, your computer crashing, or being stuck in traffic.

This is our evolutionary gift and curse. It’s one of the fundamental ways our minds would rather not dwell in the positive while desperately wanting to store the negative.

2. Inhibiting/blocking thoughts and emotions

The second way our minds stray away from positive emotion occurs when our personal experiences have associated the “positive” emotion with a “negative” or inhibiting emotion.

Consider the example of Helen. Helen, a 26-year-old attorney, complains of not being able to experience the feeling of joy. She explains her belief that, “if I experience joy, I feel anxious that something bad will happen”. After further investigation, this belief originally belonged to her mother, who got this belief from her mother, who endured The Great Depression.

The belief was not delivered explicitly, but rather insidiously through her mother’s responses. For example, when Helen was 10-years-old, she scored a leading role in the school play. Filled with joy and pride, she ran home to inform her mother. As she reported the good news, her mother met her joy with a negative sentiment. Her mother adds her own anxiety with worrying about Helen’s ability to perform the role with a busy school schedule. In that moment, Helen learns that expressing joy is met with anxiety, fear, and disapproval (all uncomfortable feelings associated with pain). Over time she learns to inhibit the emotion of joy, and further cements the unconscious connection; joy = anxiety and fear.

Most of us have some belief or visceral response that holds us back from fully experiencing the positive emotions we were designed to feel. Some common emotional blockers are: anxiety, guilt, fear, shame, disbelief,  and judgment towards yourself or others.

3. Mood Congruent Attentional Bias 

“Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we passed through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Consider someone that’s depressed. People experiencing depression will often report feeling like there’s a negative “veil” or “lens” that colors the world around them. Their mood has skewed their perception and general disposition towards the negative.

This is a concept called mood congruent attention bias. For the depressed person, their negativity bias is heighted, leaving them more likely to remember and experience life congruent with their mood. Parts of the brain that control negative emotion are more reactive while in a “bad” mood.

Anytime our mood is impacted, whether it be from a stressful meeting or while grieving the loss of a loved one, it can heighten our bias towards the negative.

4. Genetic differences 

Our family tree is also a clue into why we may lean towards the negative. The way our family interacted with us and created conditioned negative responses is one thing, but also the genetic inheritance of certain moods. If depression, anxiety, or bipolar are in a family lineage, the children in these families have a higher chance of inheriting them.

Even though genes can play a role in our mental health, they are not the whole picture. Recent research has shown that our genes are not always automatically expressed, our life circumstances can impact their expression. Nonetheless, it remains a factor in why someone may lean towards the negative.

 

S.A.V.O.R– The Positivity Hack

“A simple shift is all you need to move from a world of suffering to the realm of joy.” -Cynthia J Hardwick PhD

The bad news is we don’t have the power to stop these negativity biases completely – and you shouldn’t want to. They are necessary for our survival and general functioning. But we don’t want to avoid them either…

Research confirms that accepting, not rejecting, our negative emotion helps defuse them, allowing room for positive ones. The world of psychology has deemed the preaching of “just be positive” leading to a phenomenon called toxic positivity. This happens when we avoid negative emotion with the sugar coating of too much positivity.

The good news is we do have the power to consciously cultivate more positive emotions leading to sustainable change and a strengthening of a positivity bias.  Again, this is less about rejecting negative emotion, but accepting all emotion with the choice to amplify the positive.

It’s in everyone’s best interest to stop depriving themselves of the many positive moments that life has to offer. We have to learn ways to move aside the unconscious reactions that inhibit our ability to savor the positive that’s all around us.

The Benefits of Positive Emotion

Beyond the obvious reasons we would want to feel more positive emotion, here are some additional benefits backed by research.

• Stronger immune system.
• Reduced Stress.
• Increases optimism, resilience, and resourcefulness.
• Boosts mood.
• Helps counteract painful experiences.

I’ve created a positive emotion protocol using the acronym S.A.V.O.R. It’s designed as a way for you to savor the moment and further internalize the positive in the long-term. It can be used ANYWHERE, ANYTIME.

Use this exercise to SAVOR the present moment, past memory, or imagined future.

 

S

Slow Down

In order to access an emotion fully, we need to slow down. This is especially true if we are in a state of stress or anxiety.

To start, it’s helpful to use belly breathing. Deep belly breathing stimulates the vagus nerve, which sends a message to the heart and lungs to slow down. To do this, inhale through your nostrils deep into your belly – feeling it expand as you inhale (most of us breathe into our chest). Hold the breath for a second or two, then slowly exhale through pursed lips for a longer count than when you inhaled

Next, it’s important to be as present in the moment as possible. You can do this by noticing a few things within that current moment, perhaps something you can see, hear, feel, smell, or taste. At this point, start to turn your attention to the body (the location of all emotion).

These exercises aren’t always necessary, above all, we just have to ensure that we are actually slowing down. It’s important to practice this skill in general, as it’s the first step in getting us into conscious awareness.

Summary: Use breathing techniques, mindfulness, and conscious intention to slow down enough to access the emotion. 

 

A

Awareness

Imagine you’ve just completed a big project. Satisfied with your work, you pridefully sit down on the front porch rocking chair – staring into the sunset on a warm summer night. After slowing down, you bring attention to your emotional state, expecting to sense at least a glimmer of pride and joy.

For some, this could be where those inhibiting emotions could come into play. You suspect that you’re feeling pride and joy, but its dull and seemingly blocked by another emotion. After further internal inspection, you notice a knot in your stomach. A fear is settling in that your boss may not like your finished product (this could be old wiring from when Dad would always criticize your school work). You notice this emotion with nonjudgmental awareness and curiosity – this helps calm the emotion, allow us to have self-compassion, and forges the opportunity to resolve the negative or let the emotion subside. (We are not rejection the negative emotion, but approaching it with an acceptance)

If the positive feeling is one you’re not used to, it could take some time to get reacquainted. You may even have to conjure it, imagining what it may feel like to experience pride and joy.

At this point, it’s important to bring selective awareness to what’s happening with the positive emotion. To do this, try using the S.I.F.T. exercise:

S.I.F.T. 

Created by Dan Siegel, the SIFT exercise can be a key way to bring awareness to your current state. It stands for Sensation, Image, Feeling, and Thought. To do this, scan your body for the associated sensation that the feeling is creating. Then, identify the imagery that is attached to the emotion, perhaps you’re sitting in the sun and notice how the sun shines from just over the trees eliciting a feeling of calm. Label the feeling, and the associated thought. The thought could be something like, “I’m so thankful”, or “I am okay”. At this point, it’s helpful to notice which modality resonated the most.

The stage of awareness is key to any change and healing. It brings consciousness to unconscious emotional material, so that you have an opportunity to now rewire a positive feeling deeper into your unconscious.

Again, there are plenty of opportunities to savor the positive throughout the day, here are some examples:

• A genuine smile from a stranger
• A compliment from a coworker
• Finding gratitude – having food, water, being alive
• Remembering a hug from a loved one
• Feeling a sense of pride and confidence after a small accomplishment
• Hearing your favorite song on the radio

Some common “positive” emotions to consider savoring might be: joy, excitement, pride, love, intimacy, connection, excitement, gratitude, confidence, calm, compassion, and courage.

Summary: Utilize nonjudgmental awareness, curiosity, and acceptance to locate any blocking emotion – start to bring attention to the sensations, images, thoughts, and feelings that are associated with a positive emotion (even if you can just barely get a glimmer of it).

 

V

Vivify

By using our selective awareness from step two, we can now vivify the identified thought, perspective, emotion, or image. Vivify, in this sense, means to enliven or amplify the associated emotion so that it can be fully experienced.

By doing this, we can take advantage of the law of dominant effect. In this case, the law suggests that we are primarily influenced by a more dominant emotion. We can all relate to those moments when we are exceptionally angry or anxious. These emotions dominate our being, making it difficult to think clearly and act rationally. The same applies for positive emotions, but as we’ve discovered, our brains have a difficult time making these dominant. Thus, it’s our job to make it dominant by consciously amplifying their presence.

Here’s a few techniques to accomplish this:

1. Imagery– Imagery is the most powerful language of the emotional brain. You can incorporate imagery in a couple different ways. Perhaps you’re currently sitting by the beach (or remember a time when you were), the sun is setting and the water is deep blue. Now vivify the image – by making it bigger, saturating the colors, or just simply giving it your full attention. You can also imagine the feeling as a warm yellow blanket, covering up every part of your being. If using a memory of a loved one, you can sharpen your attention to their soft gaze as they look into your eyes, their gentle smile and warm presence. These are just some examples, play around with imagery to vivify the emotion.
2. Sensation– Notice the emotional sensation in your body. For example, this could be a  lightness, warmth, tingling, or calm. Then, stay with that sensation and try to double, and triple it. Imagine what it might feel like if that sensation expanded and intensified.
3. Reinforcement– Pay attention to the rewarding aspects of the experience, how awesome it feels to get a compliment from a friend. This increases dopamine release and makes it easier for the emotion to continue.

Summary: Amplify the positive emotion. Above all, let the experience fill your body and let it be as intense as possible.

 

O 

Occupy

“The longer that something is held in awareness and the more emotionally stimulating it is, the more neurons that fire and thus wire together, and the stronger the trace in memory” -Rick Hanson

 To this point we have: slowed down, become aware of the emotion in our internal world, and amplified the emotion – now it’s time to fully occupy the emotion.

Imagine slowly sinking into a hot tub, savoring the last bite of a dessert, or fully experiencing your favorite musician’s last song during a concert. These are all examples of when we fully occupy the moment, not wanting it to end, and trying to extend its presence to the fullest extent.

In this step, we let the positive emotion occupy our bodies and minds for up to 30 seconds. When first starting out, this can be difficult and awkward – but keep practicing. Try to reach at least 20-30 seconds, as the more time you allow it to soak, the more it will be integrated into your nervous system.

 Summary: At its peak, soak in the feeling state for at least 20-30 seconds

 

R

Repeat

You’ve done it! The positive feeling has now been further cemented into your body and mind. Feel yourself expand, and praise yourself for giving yourself a moment to experience some uplifting emotion.

This step is all about remembering to repeat this process. The more we repeat it, the stronger the neural connections associated with the experience. The process may seem daunting, as I’ve included a lot of detail here, but with more experience the process will become natural and less time consuming.

Ways to ensure we repeat

• Set a reminder to SAVOR on your phone.
• In the morning, set an intention to SAVOR some positive experiences throughout the day.
• At the end of the day, review the day’s events. Perhaps you remember that a colleague gave you a compliment when rushing to a meeting. Go back to that memory and SAVOR.

Over time, the usage of the SAVOR technique will expand those glimmers of positive emotion into more regularly accessible emotional states. The influence of these positive feeling states will impact the entire system, and it will have no other choice than to continue to automatically promote this new state of being. Your brain will start to change. 

Summary: Repeat the S.A.V.O.R. process multiple times a day.

 S – Slow Down

 A – Awareness

 V – Vivify

 O – Occupy

 R – Repeat

 

Use The Positive To Heal Emotional Wounds

After you’ve developed the skill to embrace the positive you will have a powerful antidote to heal the emotional wounds of the past. These experiences from the past can be healed by experiencing their opposite – for example, replacing childhood feelings of loneliness with a current sense of belonging and connectedness.

It’s not about resisting the painful experiences or desperately craving pleasant ones. The trick is to maintain an accepting, curious, and mindful attitude towards the difficult ones while also integrating supportive feelings and thoughts.

It has also been shown that bringing up a painful memory leaves it vulnerable to be changed for the next 15 minutes. Imagine locating a box in the attic that hasn’t been opened in years. You open it to discover some dusty, disorganized items. You have 15 minutes to dust, organize, and add more items to the box. With this in mind, make sure to use the SAVOR protocol a few times within that 15-minute period.

Start your SAVOR’ing practice this week to get your feet wet. Regularly revisit this article to refresh your understanding of the exercise. Over time, use it to rewire old emotional wounds. This can now be one of the more integral activities to implement for long term emotional change.